Pooping Cows!

Well Dominic learned a really important lesson yesterday about life.

he came in at about 2 in the afternoon and picked up his backpack and loaded up all of his spy equipment.  This would include a spy camera, a spy listening device and most importantly his spy recorder.  Really this is just a .50 voice recorder that records only about 10 seconds of audio but no biggie, him and the next door neighbors played spy kids all afternoon. 

Now here comes the life part, I called him in at about 5 for dinner and he come in with a pooping cow.  Yep that is right a little toy cow that when you squeezed it, it a brown goo comes out its ass and when you let up on the pressure it goes back inside the cow, it is even sticky which makes it that much more gross. 

So I asked Dominic about it and he said the next door neighbor boy traded him for it so, like a responsible father I had to ask what he gave in return for this pooping cow.  He said that he decided to trade his voice recorder.........Now don't get all "he got screwed" attitude with me, I personally think that he got the better of the deal.

When Jenny got home from work I told her about the pooping cow and what he traded for it, I am not sure I ever got a look like that from her before.  I didn't push the subject with Dominic because lets face it, how many times can you get a pooping cow in your life, let alone one that you can put on a key chain.  I told Jenny that he will learn a valuable lesson on life in that you sometimes don't get back equal to what you trade for, but for Dominic the pooping cow was the diggity dank!

So life lesson number 34, when in negotiations sometimes you end up with a spy recorder and sometimes you get a pooping cow!

Lesson learned.

Losing time

Boy oh boy, I just realized that I had not written anything for a while so I thought I would give everyone an update.  Week one of the long two week marathon for jenny is done and so far it is not bad.  She had an opportunity to grab a few drinks at the bar on Wednesday night, just enough to break up the monotonous week.

As far as me, well I am in the middle of completing two mid-terms for my classes.  One is due tomorrow night and other is due on Wednesday night and I am ahead of schedule on both.  Per my dads rules of always handing in every assignment I am on pace for at least a B and if I due well on my exams and group projects I could end up with A's, that would be cool.

I am also just finishing the Di Vinci Code and I have to say the I enjoyed Angels and Demons better as far as how the story went along.  The historical facts that gives the Di Vinci Code its premise is much more interesting though and because I have not finished the book I an reserving my final decision.

Well Jenny and I are going to be going on the Points system of weight watchers along with my continuing exercise program.  Jenny has agreed to join me at the Y on her days where she can.  We went together on Friday for the first time in a long time and worked out together, needless to say she was pretty sore on Saturday and to top it off she had to work.  All I know is that I remember first starting with weights back in January and it hurt to just lift my arms to wash my hair let alone do hair cuts all day.  Well she has said she feels better today, looking forward to Tuesday.

Well we are a couple of days away from training camp to open for the Packers, so that means fantasy football.  I am already getting people talking smack and the draft is not for another month.  All I know is all you bizaches are going down, and down hard!

well hope everyone is well!

PEACE!

The week of Hell!

Well Jen is back to work full speed ahead after a wonderful vacation.  She was at work yesterday by 7am, then she is in Appleton for a management training (otherwise known as a Rah Rah session) then works tomorrow from 9-noon, then she is off to Appleton again for computer training until 8pm.  THEN she works the rest of the week and on Sunday she is Fond du Lac for more computer training.  To top it all off, next week is end of month so she will be just as busy then to.  So my goal is to make sure she has something to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner made at home.
 
All I know is that it is hot outside.
 
I gave the dog a bath, that's right a bath..... the dog needed it too.  After that I did laundry which I am still doing.  You want to know what I think about when I am doing laundry?  Well let me tell you, my dad has never done one load of laundry in his entire life.  That is right, not one load, not one sock, not one pair of underwear, shirt, or pants.  Now my first reaction is one of disbelief, but the more I think about that feat, the more I understand the complex nature of making sure you have clean clothes without doing them yourself....
 
The more you have to admire the man!

Nap day

So today I started the book "the DiVinci Code".  Jenny has been reading it for the last week and is almost done but since she was out of the house at work I started it.  I got all 23 pages in until I passed out.  I didn't exactly fall asleep, I passed out!  It was one of those sleeps where you wake up every 1/2 hours only to find that nothing has changed, you haven't moved and you can't open your eyes.  At one point I thought I heard Dominic and Tommy but they were with Papa all day, so I did what any other red blooded American male would do.  I decided that I was not going to fight my heavy eyes and go back to sleep.  2 1/2 hours later I finally convinced myself that I needed to get up, so I did only to find that I could have sleep another hour if I wanted to. 
 
How come if given the choice most people just let things go until it is almost too late.  I am taking two summer courses and one of them we have a group project do.  I am teamed up with 4 others and we have "soft" due dates.  What that means is that there is no penalty for late assignments only suggested guide lines.  Well our first "soft due date" was last Wednesday and up to this point I have been in the background waiting for someone to take the lead.  If someone else wants to do it then go ahead, let me know what you want from me and I will give you the best I have.  Nothing came across from anyone, only a couple of "how are you my name is" e-mails.  So on Sunday I took the bull by the horns, enough fucking around already.  I wrote and e-mail giving direction, due dates, assignments and overall motivational bullshit to get the other 4 woman I am with on board.  now two things can happen here, I can come out as the A-hole for doing so or they are going to be so glad that I am taking the lead that we will end up with an A for the assignment.  Well, we will have to wait and see won't we.
 
 

Random thoughts

My kids like cartoons way to much
 
how come I can't wait for my pizza to cool down?
 
I just finished Digital fortress by Dan Brown and I liked it very much
 
how come every time I send Parry and Jen a message I never get a reply?  weird...
 
Jenny is done with vacation which sucks, we had a great week together.
 
it is 6pm and Tommy looks like he is going to pass out on the couch.
 
I am not very hungry, now that is weird.
 
I am going to pick at some pizza for a while.
 
ok I am back, and the pizza wasn't that good.
 
I just gave the kids a bath, but it is way to early for them to go to bed so now I have to keep them entertained for a while.
 
Dominic is sleeping over at Papa's house monday and tuesday. 
 
I am glad he will be gone for a while
 
I will miss him by monday night
 
Ok, everyone have a great week

"B-I-C-H, Bitch!"

Ok time for another installment of dumbass central.
 
This is my tribute to dumbasses around the world!
 
Want to get back after your boss after being fired? Why not send him 5 million spam e-mails and sit back as your old companies servers crash? Brilliant, eh? At least that's what an angry British teenager did after being fired from his $223-per-week job. The boy admitted to using a spam tool he downloaded from the Internet that's capable of sending 100 e-mails every second. He needn't worry about finding a new job: he now faces six months in prison or a fine of up to $9,283 for the $33,422 in damage he caused.
 
Britney sure knows how to pick 'em: fiancée Kevin "Gold Diigger" Federline is being sued in California small claims court by Classic Chevrolet in Anaheim Hills, CA for allegedly bouncing a $1,600 for a down payment check on a truck. Maybe this will convince Miss Brit she does need a pre-nuptial agreement with this bum after all. You see, without a pre-nuptial agreement, the 26-year-old Federline, who apparently has no money of his own, could walk away with millions of dollars even if the marriage lasts only a couple of months. Sources close to Spears say a pre-nup is likely, but wonder in the meantime if she'll bail Federline out of his legal mess with the Chevy dealership. Meanwhile, no better authority on divorce than Donald Trump is tell Spears to get that pre-nup signed. Trump says, "I heard Britney Spears is not going to have a prenuptial agreement. She's making a huge mistake. Just a huge, traumatic and potentially ruinous mistake." 
 
The tool section at Sears is pretty impressive, but most men learn to control themselves there, but not 21-year-old Carlos Flores-Diaz of Florida. Officers arrested Flores-Diaz in the Sears store at Merritt Square Mall after security officers witnessed him apparently "committing a lewd act" in the men's section of the store
 
So there you go folks, and I thought I was holding down the bell curve of stupidity!

update!

Ok peoples' just a little recap on went went on the last couple of days.  bugs, sunburn, smores', campfires, smoke, public bathrooms, beaches, seaweed and lots and lots of dirt!.
 
Yep, went on my first camping trip over the last couple of days.  slept in the tent, ate food in a bug screen and made smores' over a campfire under the stars.  Actually it was a lot of fun, and since the dog needed to let each morning I cheated and took a shower at home then went back out to the site by 8 am.  No one even knew I was gone, but I smelled better. 
 
Food you ask, as to what did we make?  Well the first night was Hobo's.  For those of you that don't know what those are they are any and every kind of veggie thrown in some tin foil, a roll of hamburger and some butter, season as you wish, place on the grill and let go for 1/2 hour or so.....mmmmmm good.  then it got simple, hotdogs over the campfire. 
 
So Jenny asked me if I would do it again and I have to say that it was fun but, and let me say this but with some authority, but I am glad to be home, my shower and bed await.

I love bugs!

Guess what we, as a family, are going to do? Yep you guess it, we are going camping. Now I have never been camping, nor have I had any desire to camp but Jenny had mentioned it a couple of years ago and now and only now have I agreed to partake in this journey. Now there are some things that I am so comfortable in that I take control and be the man that I am suppose to be and then, there is camping. I am so out of my element and for some reason everyone around me thinks this is hugely entertaining. Well all I know is that there is going to be cold beer, a bon fire and all the bugs I could handle. Ever see the commercial where the lady is looking for a quite get away with a bug net in every cabin? That is how I think this is going to be.

Ironically, I am looking forward to it. We are scheduled to set up camp on Weds, and everyone is invited to come out and I will even supply the beer.

Sunday Mornings

So it is sunday morning and the days have passed very fast, a lot on my mind lately. Between school, kids, marrage, and my dad talking smack about his golf game I just haven't had too much time to post.

Anyway, I love sunday mornings and today is no exception. According to weather bug it is 64 degrees outside and sunny. I just made some breakfast and coffee and no homework is do today (and there was much rejoicing...yyyeeeaaahhhh)

Instead of a normal spewing of a paragraph or two you will get random muses as they come to my mind.

Jenny works today, that kinda sucks. I enjoy the day much more when she is home.

I like coffee

my phone rocks (camera phone and all).

My phone ringer is the seagulls from "findiing nemo" (mine, mine,mine)

I am almost to cool for my own good!

Why am I such a dork?

I am 32, with no job and my wife supports the family.

by the time I am 37 I will a two masters degrees a bachlears degee in organizational adiminstration and two minors in communication and economics.

I still can't spell.

the above means nothing, I wouldn't hire me. :)

I think the lakers are insane for getting rid of Shaq.

I want football to start, I am sick of watching the packers of 2000 game rebroadcast on NFL network.

Tommy is cute and dominic and handsome (good thing that they look like Jenny)

my thumb hurts (long story)

ok this is getting boring

Jen has off of work all next week, that is very cool.

my wife is still beautiful in the morning (especially after a cup of coffee).

what am I going to do today?

so now what?

Sit back and let me tell you!

There seems to be some confusion with somes of yous. Below this entry is a "comments" link. This is for your use, please feel free to use it every once in a while, I am starting to feel unwanted (sniffle, sniffle. I only ask that your sign your name at the end of the comment so I know who it is from, come on folks this is suppose to be fun and what other outlet do you have to poke fun at me, everyone is doing it.

Well a week or so ago I wrote about how I go retarded when I play my Dad in golf. Well today we played again and I have to say the front nine went well, we both had some good shots and some bad shots and I was down by 1 after 9 holes. Neither one of use burned up the course with 48, 49 respectively. Now onto the back 9, there are times when you have to sit back and let someone get in the flow of what they are doing and enjoy the moment. Dad got hot, and really hot. He didn't hit a bad shot between 10-16, was getting playable distance (he is the big hitter now) and was chipping and putting with some authority. Ironically I was not getting frustrated like I normally do because I normally lose because of me, not necessarily because he plays better. But today he flat out beat me and what seemed like a 5 stroke lead heading into 17 actually was only a 4 stroke lead. Now this is a revelation to me because I realize that I am only back by three shots on the back nine and 4 overall. That means I was playing some pretty good golf also, hey this is fun. I pared the 17th, he bogied, 3 shots now going in the last hole and I had honors. Eighteen was even more fun because I put my tee shot within 7 feet of the pin, with a little left to right break and I was starring at a birdie. Dad was off the green, chip to within 15 feet (he was playing it safe), missed his par put and now had a 6 foot, up hill, right to left break put to bogie. So to recap I had a birdie putt, he had a treacherous bogie. Well needless to say I birdied he bogied and he won by two strokes overall (one on each 9). I shot a 43 and he shot a 42, what the fuck. It was fun, and when we both had it going, which was most of the time boy could we give each other shit!



PEACE!!!

Dumb Ass!!!!

Ok I was going to tell you a story of friend of mine (parry) who after 8 holes of golf was tied with yours truely only to hit a great drive, nice approach shot that happened in a bunker and then it got ugly, but I am not going to tell that story.....

Instead of that story I am going to introduce some dumb asses of the week, so sit tight folks this get.......well you'll see.

This guy's a Triple Dumbass Award Winner if I ever saw one! A 23-year-old Hartland, Maine man apparently was trying to commit suicide by nailing himself to a homemade cross. His carpentry skills were good enough to get the cross together and nail one hand in, but it wasn't until he had completed that part of the project did he realize that he needed help getting THE OTHER HAND NAILED DOWN. So, of course, he called 911 for help. Rescue workers arrived and, surprisingly, instead of helping him complete the do-it-yourself crucifixion, they cut off the chunk of the board with his hand attached and took it all to the hospital where the nail was removed. Please kids, don't try this at home unless you have a skilled Roman Guard on hand to handle the detail work.

This guy is our first Double Dumbass Award winner for the week: 18-year-old Paul Liebas decided it would be fun to pretend to be a cop in is gold Crown Victoria, but made the mistake of pulling over an off-duty officer. The real cop spotted the phony in a flash and the idiot ran like a girl, although he was caught a few blocks later.

This week's second official Double Dumbass is a Nebraska sheriff who, while giving a presentation to a high school class, handcuffed a student . . . and then broke the key. Wait, it gets better! He took the boy to a welding shop to have them remove the cuffs with a torch which, not surprisingly, severely burning the 17-year-old. Oh yes, mom and dad are suing.

Well, it's doubtful this guy's gonna win "Father of the Year." A Texas cop pulled over a car he saw speeding and weaving through traffic, only to learn that the driver was an 11-year-old boy who could barely see over the steering wheel. But junior hadn't stolen the car . . . dad had turned over the keys to him because he was too drunk after stopping off at a bar on their way home . . . 200 miles away!


Ok folks that is about as much dumb ass as I can handle for the week, I will find and post more next weds.

Oh and Parry......well what can I say (he he)

"PEACE!"

Platform, what platform?

Ok I have a bone to pick with you democrats.

Yesterday I went to the 4th parade with my boys, Jen had to work. What I realized is the 4th of July parade has turned into a political platform. Now that is not a cut on just democrats but every political party. Now here is my beef with the democrats, there platform is "because we need a change". Ok, now tell not why we need a change, but what you bring that is SOOOOOOOO much better than what we got. This election is turning out to be not "vote for me because I have the best ideas" it is turning out to be "vote for me because I am not him". Well, that's brilliant, that is rich. Isn't that how Hitler got into power, he was voted for because he was not the other guy? I could be wrong, but this blog is my world so there you go.

Ok here is the deal democrats if you are going to convince me that you are better than what we got, bring something that I can think about to the table, not this psycho-babble crap about how bad he is and you would be better just because you are not him. Give me something good.

Ok that is about as much political crap as I can stand for one day so here is how the fireworks went last night. Just Dominic and I went, Jen didn't feel good and Tommy I couldn't wake up from his nap to go with us. So Dominic and I went and sat on the beach, under a blanket (cause it was friggin cold, Yo) and inhaled smoke from all the fire pits, it was very cool and you know what Dominic said as the fireworks are going off........

"Dad, this is the best day of my life".....I know he is only 6 but that was pretty cool.

"Peace out"

A little of this, a little of that.

So now I am suppose to write something that is profound and should change the world, well I got nothing!

Mom and Dad came by today and we grilled out brats and hamburgers. I was smart enough to know that the central air needed to be turned on, it was humid.

Debbie showed up after her nap and we watched golf, woman's golf and my personal favorite "THE WORLD SERIES OF POKER". I love to watch guys play poker for 2.5 million dollars. The guy that won, check this out, Chris Moneymaker. I almost thought that was his real name until I figured out that he won a spot to compete through a on line poker tourney not bad for a $45 entry fee.

Oh just a little tip on the 4Th, don't light any sparklers with a lighter. Your hand is too close and they will burn your thumb good, just a little safty tip from your old pal P. large

"Peace!!!!"

Happiness is

You know what happiness is? Well I am going to tell you because I see it almost everyday.

On a limited budget we go grocery shopping on an almost daily basis. The kids, both of them, come with me and let me tell you now I couldn't ask for better kids in the store. So Piggly Wiggly gives every one of the kids a gold coin when checking out so they can go and get some small cheap toy out of a vending machine. It could be a sticky hand that we throw up on the ceiling where they stay for a couple of days, or it could be a plastic ninja the size of a peanut or even a ring, necklace, bouncy ball, or my favorite Goo!

Well after a while I started to realize that happiness is not all the time. Happiness comes in small spurts. It is a chocolate chip cookie, a cold beer after 18 holes, a smile from someone on the streets, a clean car, finishing a semester of school or a gold coin from Piggly Wiggly. It doesn't get any more complicated than that.